my opinion

FAMILY LIFE IN ISLAM By Dr. Mir Mustafa Hussain

2008-05-06T02:12:00.001-07:00

Home plays a very important role in the civilised life of man. It is a small world in itself. An individual is born, brought up, and trained in family atmosphere and this naturally leaves an everlasting impression on him. His character and habits are developed at home, and in the family, and these factors are responsible for his future career. This is the reason why the Quran has laid so much emphasis on family life, and has touched (for guidance) even the minute aspects of it in most elaborate form. A good family order serves as a model for the society, and its people determines future of a nation.

Within a family, role of its head is very important as the entire responsibility of family management rests on him, particularly at the stage when children are in their tender age. He has to protect himself as well as his family members from all kinds of troubles and difficulties. He has to arrange for their basic needs health, care, and educational requirements. The head of the family has to be very carefully while taking decisions in these matters. A wrong decision taken by the head of the family can become the cause of great damage to the entire family. He shall, therefore, prevent himself and his family from the disastrous consequences of choosing a wrong path (66:6). He has to see that his family is engaged in productive activity as well as constructive work. This is possible through correct and farsighted planning and its effective implementation.

HUSBAND-WIFE RELATIONSHIP

Husband and wife, particularly as father and mother, are the two significant pillars upon whom the entire edifice of the family rests. It is, therefore essential that their relationship should be cordial as well as harmonious to achieve happiness and prosperity of the family so that the home may serve as model for others in the society. Such relationship creates an impact on younger members particularly the children. From the beginning itself the relationship between these two life partners should be cordial if not ideal.

The main object of married life is that the husband and wife live together honourably and harmoniously in love and affection, and thereby make home a place of peace and an abode of rest and pleasure -- a heaven on earth. It will serve as a model for others to follow (25:74). This kind of relationship will provide opportunity to both the spouses to make use of their potential and allow their capabilities to grow and develop (30:21). Both should respect and be complementary to each other. The relationship between the two should be most intimate. The Quran has so beautifully described the type of their homogeneity when it says that husband and wife are garments for each other (2:187).

It has been often reminded that treatment given to wife by her husband should not be harsh in order to appropriate a part of her dower unless she is found guilty of open indecency, the matter will of course be decided by the appropriate authority. When something from the side of the wife is disliked, one should not get annoyed over immediately or diced at once to get separated from her. It is quite possible that such thing may bring about abundant good for the husband (4:19).

NIKAH (Marriage)

Man and woman agree together to lead married life and this agreement is called nikah (marriage), and the two parties accept the responsibilities and obligations and thus live together as husband and wife. For nikah it is necessary that both man and woman have attained the age of puberty-the age of full bloom and strength (4:6, 40:67). Nikah is not possible without mutual consent of both the parties in the presence of at least two witnesses, one from the side of the man and the other from the side of woman. (Man and woman have free choice to marry each other (4:3, 19) Men have been forbidden to marry women against their will, they cannot marry without obtaining consent of women and thus become their masters instead of companion. (4:19) The criterion for selection of spouse should be the unanimity of ideology and faith in Islam, and this is the reason why a momin (Believer-man) is forbidden to marry a mushrika (Unbeliever-woman) vice versa, and thus to save home from becoming hell whereas Allah wants it to become heaven (2:221).

Nikah should be performed in a declared manner, and the relationship between the spouses should not be kept a secret. If it is performed secretly it is not legal. (4:25; 5:5) The Quran has not suggested any ceremony for nikah, nor it has mentioned about involvement of a (third) person to perform it. Since nikah is an agreement between two parties, government can formulate rules and regulations (marriage Act), and it has to be performed accordingly.

For those who are capable of getting married the society has to provide facilities for nikah. (24:32) Those who could not get facilities to get married should keep themselves chaste by self-control till they get alliance. [(24:33)-VI, p.803] Prostitution is prohibited.

Married couple is forbidden from sexual Intercourse when:

(I) The women is not in normal physical condition i.e. during menses, and after this period they can have it as per the natural laws (2:222);

(ii) When either of them or both are observing fast (of course from dawn to dusk) (2:187); and

(iii) Even from dusk to dawn when one is in retreat in the mosque (for some assignment). (2:187)

Forbidden Women for Nikah

Certain women (relationships) are forbidden for nikah. They are:

(1) Yours mothers

(2) Your daughters

(3) Your sisters

(4) Your father’s sisters

(5) Your mother’s sisters

(6) Your brother’s daughters

(7) Your sister’s daughters

(8) Your foster mothers

(9) Your foster sisters

(10) Mothers of your wives

(11) Your stepdaughters, which have been brought up under your guardianship and are born of wives with whom you have had marital relations. If you have not had marital relations then the prohibition does not apply.

(12) Wives of your real sons.

(13) It is also prohibited to have in marriage two sisters at the same time.

Also forbidden to you in marriage are those women who are already married except those whom you already possess. (4:23,24)

A Muslim man should not marry a mushrika (Unbeliever woman) until she accepts Islam; likewise Muslim woman should not marry mushrik man until he accepts Islam. (2:221) A Muslim woman cannot marry a man from amongst the people who believe in the earlier scriptures (5:5)

Monogamy and Polygamy

It is a misunderstanding that Islam has permitted polygamy (to marry and keep four wives at a time). The fundamental principle is to have one wife at a time. The Quranic instructions that if one decides to marry another woman in place of his existing wife he has to divorce (as per the given procedure) and this itself clarifies that no one is allowed to have more than one wife at one time. (4:20) This should not lead to think that whenever a person wants to marry another woman in place of his existing wife, he might divorce her and go for another marriage (for sex enjoyment or for other reasons). Second marriage is not permitted until and unless differences between husband and wife have reached the climax, ending up by declaring talaq (divorce) and the wife is divorced

To have more than one wife, up to a maximum of four at a time has been permitted under extra-ordinary circumstances and for valid reasons. For example, as a result of war when a considerable number of women became widows including those of very young age, and large number of children become orphans, and when their economic, social, ethical, and sexual problems cannot be solved by any other satisfactory means, the Islamic State can allow an exception to the general rule of monogamy. Such an exemption has to fulfil two conditions viz. (I) such a person will have to do justice and give equal treatment to all his wives, and (ii) he should be economically sound enough to bear the burden of such a large family. Of course consent of the first wife in this matter is necessary. If anyone of these conditions is not fulfilled, permission to go for next marriage is not granted and one should stick to the rule of one wife (4:3); this is the only verse found in the Quran on this subject. Rather at another place the Quran says that despite his strong desire it would not be possible for a husband to be fair and just towards women (wives). One should not be inclined wholly to one wife leaving the other in a state of suspension, like one who remains neither divorced nor undivorced (4:129).

Mahr (Dower)

Mahr (dower) is that amount which is paid by the husband to his wife at the time of nikah (marriage) or agrees to pay afterwards. Mahr is the term in usage to express the payment, the Quran has not used this word, and instead it has used the word nehlah to clarify that this amount is not in lieu of anything else except a specific gift to wife and not remuneration (4:4). Its payment is compulsory. In this regard an example of honeybee has been quoted in the holy Quran so far as payment of mahr is concerned, when the honeybee expels honey it does not expect any return for it.

If the amount of mahr has not been fixed at the time of nikah the payment will be acceptable by mutual consent. Since the payment has to be made necessarily, it has to be fixed as per the husband’s capacity to pay it. Therefore, the amount could be anything, even a heap of gold (4:20). The mahr is generally paid at the time of nikah (marriage) itself. In case nikah has been performed but mahr has not been fixed, it can be fixed after the nikah (2:236). Mahr is the property of the woman (wife). She cannot be deprived of her right. If the woman (wife) so desire, she can forego the whole amount or a part of it (4:4, 4:24).

In case divorce has taken place after nikah, and the husband has not touched the woman (wife) and (I) if mahr has not been fixed, then the husband has to pay as much as he can so that the damage thus caused to the woman’s name could be made good to some extent. This kind of treatment is necessary because it exhibits its worth (2:236; 33:49); (ii) if the mahr was fixed but the man has not touched the woman (he has married) and divorce has taken place, then half of the value of mahr will be given to the woman unless she, by herself forgoes it or if the husband pays the entire mahr it is his righteous act (2:237).

Under a situation when the woman is found guilty of open lewdness (immorality) a portion of the mahr could be given to the husband (4:19).

In case the woman demands for divorce and if court feels it necessary, she has to forego a part of the mahr and get free from the marriage - the nikah (2:229)

Giving material goods as jahez (dowry) is merely a custom about which there is no mention in the Quran. Demand for such material goods or cash by the man is gross excess; the Quran has rather instructed men to give to the woman but not to take from her.

Tense Relationship

The object of nikah is to lead a purposeful, peaceful, and harmonious life. For this purpose selection of an alliance has to be done carefully and thoughtfully. Inspite of taking all-possible care in this matter, certain circumstances arise and result in tense relationship between husband and wife. This situation prevails temporarily and gets normalised by lapse of time. In other situation, a person in anger calls his wife as his ‘mother’ or talks some rubbish with her; this is called zihar. This is a kind of thoughtlessness in oaths, and when the anger subsides, he feels ashamed of it. Such calling does not make his wife the mother, and it is similar to that of calling a person as ‘son’, and this does not make him a natural son (33:4). Such an attitude towards wife is strongly condemned and punishment has been imposed for it that such a person, before touching his wife should free a slave (since slavery prevailed in the then Arab society). If he is not in position to do so, he should fast for two months consecutively, and if he is unable to observe fast the should feed sixty indigent (poor) persons before they touch each other (58:3-4).

In another case when a man has taken an oath for abstention from his wife that he well not conjugate with her, he is given four months (as waiting) for reconsideration to resume as this situation cannot remain permanently. During this period if they resume conjugation, they are permitted to do so. If their intention is firm to dissolve the marriage they can do so as per the provisions of the Divine Laws (2:226 -27 ‘ 4:35), The object is not to leave the woman at the mercy of man under any circumstances. And her rights are fully protected.

In connection with relationship between husband and wife (4:34), it is generally interpreted that the rank of man (husband) is higher than that of woman (wife), and men are rulers over women, An example of such an interpretation is: "As far those women who seem to have gone refractory, (first) admonish them (and then, if necessary) remove them to separate beds, and (if that fails) give them a shaking." (4:34) In case if a situation arises when woman (wife) turns rebellious, this will not remain an individual problem but it will become a collective one; the matter of protection and upbringing of the children will get associated with this case. At this stage, the society or the State has to take steps giving them a chance to understand each other and rethink over the matter. If this approach fails, then their husbands will be asked to detach their sexual relations for sometime, so that this treatment may create a psychological effect on their mind. If all these approaches fail, the court of law may give some physical punishment to the party at fault. In case the husbands are given a free hand to punish their wives by beating them, it will create chaos in the society, and instead of solving a problem, we may create several other problems for the women, their suckling babies children, homes, hospitals, etc.

Talaq (Divorce)

It has been stated earlier that nikah is an agreement, with full consent between a man and a woman (fully matured and sane) for leading married life. This aims at a happy family life. When possibility of maintaining married life does not remain, both the parties are permitted to cancel their nikah - marital tie; and a relief from this bond is called talaq (divorce).

In the matter of nikah only two individuals-man and woman are involved, and therefore, it is confined to these two individuals only. The matter of talaq is not so confined to two individuals alone; sometimes besides them, their children’s interest will be affected, and thus it becomes a common matter of the society. It is worthy of consideration that at the time of formulation nikah deed consent of both the parties viz. man and woman was necessary; when the same agreement is being terminated, how could only one party namely the husband is given all the rights to terminate the same unilaterally, saying in one breath talaq-talaq-talaq, and driving away the lady from home. At the same time, she is helpless to face innumerable troubles to settle the matters of divorce.

Rights and responsibilities of husband and wife are equal, and the position of both the parties shall be similar in the matter of talaq too. Guidance of the Quran in this respect is that "If you fear a breach between the couple, then appoint an arbiter from the man’s family and an arbiter from the woman’s family. If the two (husband and wife) desire to reach a settlement, God is knowing, the Apprised of all." (14:35) Some of the Islamic scholars say that this is "An excellent plan for settling family disputes, without too much publicity or mud-throwing or resort to the chicaneries of the law. The Latin countries recognise this plan in their legal systems."

In the matter to talaq, irrespective of complaint put forth either by the husband or the wife, it will be the responsibility of the society to appoint a board of arbitration. If the wife feels excesses or negligence from the husband’s side, the better course will be that both husband and wife should sort out their differences or appoint a board of arbitration. (4:128) The woman (wife) can also take her case to the court that she too has got full right for divorce (as per the law). But the efforts of the board will be to settle the matter between the husband and the wife amicably. The Quran has used the term talaq for husband and wife both; it has not used the term khula, which has been coined later. It is said that ‘husband has handed over the right of talaq to the wife, but this is not correct. When the wife too has got the same right of talaq as that owned by the husband, then handing over the right of talaq to the wife by her husband makes no sense.

If a settlement between husband and wife in the matter of talaq could not be reached, then the institution or the court, which has appointed the arbiters, will pronounce the dissolution of the nikah (marriage). This is called talaq. In the matter of talaq, the Quran has addressed the Prophet (S), who was a judge or court (65:1). This indicated that the matter of talaq is not restricted to the two parties i.e. husband and wife only, it has wider horizons. The Prophet (S), who was assigned by the Almighty the role of court, was asked to inform the concerned persons that the matter of iddat (‘waiting period’ during which a divorced woman or a widow cannot marry) carries great significance, and this should always be kept in mind (65:1). As the iddat is based on menstruation, to account for iddat the talaq judgement should not come into effect until the concerned woman has completed three menstrual cycles. Those who do not menstruate due to physical disorder or old age, should wait for three months (65:4); only those women whose marriage is not consummated, have no ‘waiting period’ (33:49). If a woman is pregnant she must declare it, and the ‘waiting period’ for her is until the delivery (65:4). Iddat (‘waiting period’) for a widow is four months and ten days (2:234).

In case the court sees that the husband does not want to continue with his wife, the talaq judgement is given and the (divorced) woman will not give anything to the man. In this respect instructions given are very clear (4:20-21) and that the circumstances have led to the stage of separation. In this case, if a person has given even a whole treasure as mahr to his wife, he should not take back even a fraction of it (when talaq process has been initiated from his side). A portion form the mahr can be taken back when the woman takes initiative for talaq (2:229), or when she is found guilty of open indecency (4:19). This will also help to check a situation under which a woman performs nikah with a view to get mahr and afterwards she takes steps for talaq, then she has to surrender a portion of the mahr. At the same time man has been warned not to accuse or slander a chaste woman of open indecency with an object of compelling her to forego a part of her mahr for the husband. This is such an open sin, which does not require any evidence. The instructions are that whatever one has given her how he can take it back when he has enjoyed marital relations with her. Also at the time of nikah there was a solemn covenant from the husband for complete protection of her rights, and on the basis of this one should respect the agreement (4:20-21).

On pronouncement of talaq by the court, iddat commences for the woman; during this period she cannot marry (as stated earlier). She will remain there only where she was living with her husband before the talaq, and the cost of her maintenance will be borne by her (previous) husband with a provision to have the same standard of living she was enjoying before the talaq (65:6-7). If the woman is pregnant at the time of talaq, her expenditure will be borne by her previous husband till the delivery. After the delivery if she suckles baby, and if the man cannot make any other arrangement for this, she should be paid for the suckling, details for payment have to be settled mutually and under the provisions of the prevailing law. If this arrangement causes hardship to the man, separate arrangement is made for suckling through some other woman. While fixing the amount of expenditure of the divorced woman during the ‘waiting period’ or for suckling, it has to be done as per the paying capacity of the husband. If a person is financially depressed he should pay whatever he can (65:6-7). Further instructions of the Quran in this respect are: "Reverting to family laws, men should leave a will behind stating that their widows should be given maintenance for a year without requiring them to leave their homes. However, if during this period, the women of their own accord leave their home and make a decision regarding their further life, you are not to be blamed for it. And remember that these laws are given by Allah who is Almighty Wise". (2:240).

When the iddat is nearing its end, the husband may either take the (divorced) wife back on equitable terms or part with her on equitable terms (65:2). If the husband initiated termination of Nikah and he desired to resume the martial relationship, with the consent of the woman he may do so even during the iddat.

Two things are very clear in this respect (I) if the wife had initiated dissolution of marriage, it means that she does not want to cohabit with the husband. Therefore the husband cannot take her forcibly; it is altogether a different matter that she makes her mind to join her husband again; (ii) if the husband had initiated talaq, though the wife wanted to continue with him and the man corrects himself, then the martial relationship could be resumed. Under such a situation, the Quran warns that resumption of marital relationship should not be with a malign intention to do harm to her or to transgress the limits of Divine law and whosoever harms her harms him. (2:231) When both the spouses desire to reunite, they should not be prevented (2:232).

When reunion between the spouses has taken place, a question arises that for stabilisation of the martial relation whether renewal of nikah will be necessary or the same old agreement of marriage will be enough. This matter has been left to the society that if it wants it can recognise the previous nikah agreement, and if the society decides otherwise fresh nikah agreement has to be made. The State has to consider necessary that renewal of the union during iddat should be done in such a way that this is considered as nikah.

If the spouses have decided again to live as husband and wife, the above procedure will be adopted. If they have decide for separation, then two witnesses will be required who should not allow any concession to either of them. These witnesses should stand considering their service as duty to Allah (65:2). And that consideration (for reunion) which was an available to the man and the woman during iddat will not remain.

For these individuals (husband and wife), Whether they reunite or get separated, this step will amount to pronouncing one talaq.

If this couple has resolved to continue as husband and wife (whether during the iddat or thereafter), and again they have resorted for separation, the same procedure as given above has to be adopted. This will be treated the second talaq.

After the third talaq, neither during the iddat nor afterwards, they can cohabit as husband and wife (2:229). In case the woman gets married elsewhere and leads regular married life, and there also such a situation develop leading to talaq, or she becomes a widow, then the woman can re-marry her previous husband (2:229-30) In the light of the above explanation, it becomes quite clear that pronouncement of talaq thrice (at three different times) means final termination of the nikah i.e. married life.

With regard to suckling the infant (baby), it is not necessary for mother to suckle for a specific period of time. The parents depending on the conditions of the baby could take the decision in this matter. In this regard the Quran observes that the mother carries the baby in her womb and suckles it after delivery for a period of two years (2:233; 46:15), then expenses for the maintenance of the mother will have to be borne by the father, and these charges will not be beyond the father’s capacity. If both of them agree that the mother is relieved from suckling of the baby, they may do so. If the father desires to arrange another woman for suckling the baby, there is no harm in it, but whatever had been promised to the mother, that should be fulfilled accordingly. If the father dies during this period, the maintenance cost of the baby should be borne by his heirs.

On separation of husband and wife, children should stay with whom is the matter to be decided by the competent court or the State. It is to be kept in view that neither the father nor the mother or the heirs should suffer unnecessarily in this regard. The State could formulate rules for this purpose.

Children (Sons and Daughters)

It is the foremost duty of parents to arrange for proper maintenance, right type of education, and good training of their children so that they grow satisfactorily, develop their potential, express their abilities, become virtuous human being, a good citizen, and an ideal member of the society, and thereby should contribute to the society significantly. It is the responsibility of the parents and the State to provide opportunities to children for their development, and these basic requirements should not be denied to them out of fear of want (destination) (6:152, 17:31). Children should be maintained on lawful earnings. Persons who kill their children foolishly and out of ignorance, they are big losers, and on account of this they have to face a serious disaster (6:141). Becoming careless towards children is as worse as killing them; depriving them of education and training is a grave mistake (17:31). A healthy, well built, and wholesome child is a gift of Allah (7:189-90). A thoughtful, pious, and loving heart contained by him, a follower of Divine laws and broad-minded child is a great blessing of the Almighty (19:12-14).

Children include boy as well as girls, and both are born according to the Divine laws. During the pre-Islamic period (and even today) boys were considered superior to girls receiving better treatment accordingly. Islam has abolished this mentality. This attitude has been very much condemned by the Quran (16:58-59).

Care and welfare of family members should receive due attention; wife and children are made attractive to man (3:13), but for their sake one should not involve him into such activities which are against the permanent values. One who disregards permanent values becomes envious rather enemy to man (64:14-15). Whenever there is clash between permanent values and interests of the family, the Quranic values should always be upheld (9:24). Total home atmosphere maintained by the parents plays very important role in building up character of children and this create significant impact on them. Character of children gets moulded under good home-atmosphere and parents have to be very cautions and careful in maintaining it. At no point of time the children should be neglected.

Children’s education is a matter of prime importance. Education is of two types-deeni taleem (religious education) to get acquainted with the Quranic teachings; and the modern scientific and technological education for economic growth and development. These two types of education imparted make the children a good member of the family as well as an ideal citizen in the society, and thus they contribute significantly to the nation and the country. It is the responsibility of the State not to leave the children at the mercy of their parents, particularly in case of those parents who are not capable to provide proper maintenance, care and education to their children on account of their property.

Parents

Parents’ role in the family is most significant particularly when the children are small; they will be usually under the care, training, and maintenance of their parents for certain period of time, and they have to follow instructions given by them. Children should be good and faithful to parents, but as far obedience is concerned it is only to Allah (4:36). The quality of physical and mental strength gets obscured at the old age, and this is the stage at which parents need help of their children and they have to be well looked after. But possible treatment should be rendered to them, and this kind of treatment makes one’s own self to grow and develop (46:15). Parents have taken maximum possible care for rearing their children and they had given full protection to them at infancy stage. On account of the old age, sometimes the attitude of the parents becomes abnormal. Their temperament becomes childish. At this moment one should not behave with them indifferently by banging, scolding, or giving erratic treatment. While referring of the permanent values and the treatment ordained to be given tot he parents the Quran has given beautiful instructions when it says:

"For the betterment of life therefore, Allah has prescribed some permanent values including:

(i) You should obey only Allah’s laws.

(ii) You should make good the deficiencies of your old parents.

(iii) If one or both of them grow old, you should not prod or reproach them but speak to them respectfully (36:68),

iv) You should give them protection with all the affection and say "O my Rabb ! (Enable me) to provide them means of nourishment as they had raised me from childhood.

You should do all this, not in a mechanical manner but from the core of your heart keeping always in mind that what you do for your parents helps in the development of your own self. Allah is the Protector of those who revert to Him for His protection." (17:23-25)

It should be remembered that caring for the young ones is done by all living beings, which they forget afterwards but caring for the old parents is the quality of man alone. One should not forget that the mother bears pain while carrying as well as giving birth to a baby and showering after-care with utmost and affections, and sacrificing every thing at least for thirty months (46:15).

It has been stated earlier that obedience is for Allah alone (17:23), and this means following of the Divine laws. On the other hand as far the parents are concerned, they should be given best possible treatment and respect, and also their deficiencies are removed.

It is the responsibility of the State to see that old parents are not left to lead a miserable and disrespectful life with their children, and this way their (the parents’) self does not get dishonoured.

Ancestors

People sometimes make reference tot he workings and sayings of their ancestors to get support for their stand in day-to-day life. Such working and sayings could be accepted when these are in conformity with the teachings o the Quran; when these are against the teachings these cannot be accepted. The Divine Book is the supreme authority for reference. Our ancestors had left this world; during their lifetime whatever they had sown they had reaped so. On the Day of Judgement one will be questioned for what he had done, and not about what his ancestors had done (2:134).

It has been the attitude of kafireen (Unbelievers, misled people) that they have followed the footsteps of their ancestors without applying knowledge and wisdom; they do not follow the right path shown to them by the Quran (2:170). Such persons argue that what that they have been doing was being done since ages. They do not care to think that though it was going on since long whether it had any base provided by knowledge, wisdom, and logic, This kind of blind imitation does not ensure fruitful results. The Quran insists on applying mind (34:46), and says that those inspite of having given the faculties of thinking, seeing, and hearing, do not utilize them, they are just like brutes - and indeed worse than them. (7:179)

Orphans

In a broader sense, orphans are those persons who are poor, left alone helpless, and struggle for sustenance. But people consider generally such children orphans who lost their father or mother or both, and left with nobody’s stewardship. In such cases, it becomes the responsibility of the State to arrange for their maintenance, health care, and education and training. This should be done in such a manner that their self does not get hurt.

Unfortunately the practice is quite reverse. At many orphanages the orphans are kept under very poor conditions of feeding, clothing, and living, and these conditions are below the human level. They often do not get their real basic needs. Hardly any kindness or generosity is extended to them, and they are made to live on alum and charity. This results in miserable and gradual crucification of their ‘self’. The potentials they are endowed as godly gift does not get any opportunity to grow, develop, and express itself at any time.

In this respect the Quran observes that one of the causes of disaster and downfall of nations is that of disrespect shown to the orphans in that particular society (89:17). The directive of the Divine Laws in this regard is that whatever good has to be done to the orphans in their own interest, that should be done (2:220). With them good and brotherly relations would be maintained, and the treatment given to them should be the same as that given to the members of one’s own family. Allah knows very well those who are desirous of improving conditions of orphans and also those who try to exploit them. Unnecessary, undesirable, and unwanted pressure should never be laid on them (89:17). Orphans should not be given any harsh treatment (93:9). Adequate arrangements have to be made for their education, training and development.

When orphans have their property or assets, these should be protected fully, and whosoever manages their affairs should not take any remuneration in lieu of managerial services rendered to them except when the care-taker is a needy person (4:5-6). When the orphans have grown and are fully matured to manage their affairs them selves, their property and assets should be handed over to them in the presence of witnesses. (6:153) Keeping in views that they will grow in near future their property and assets should not be ‘swallowed’. While settling their accounts, one should not forget that he is submitting these accounts to Allah who has knowledge of every thing, and people have to be answerable to Him (4:5-6).

Rights and interest of the orphans should be protected in the same way as one does for his own children. Their good articles should not be replaced with worthless articles and this kind of act is a gross injustice to them (4:2).

The Quran warns those who become oppressive towards the orphans, and ‘eat’ away their property and assets through injustice to them. This is similar to that of filling their own stomach with fire; their greed swells. Such persons run in madness to acquire unlawful assets and their capabilities turn into ashes (4:10). It has been mentioned earlier that as a result of war or any other incidents when women and children have turned widows and orphans respectively, exception is given to the rule of monogamy allowing more than one wife (unto maximum of four at a time) so that proper protection, maintenance, care, education, shelter, etc. are provided to the widows and orphans thereby checking them from involving themselves into unsociable activities.

As far orphanage is concerned, a boy is considered orphan till he is fully mature, whereas in case of a girl she remains orphan till she gets married; widows also come into the category of orphans (4:127). Orphans should be given what they deserve but it is better if they are given more; fairness shown towards them will never go waste.

Relatives, Friends, and Neighbours

Relatives also deserve the same good treatment, which is given to the parents (2:83). They should be helped when they are in need (2:177). Good treatment should be given to friends (4:36). Those who do not believe in the Quran cannot be the friends of a momin. (3:27) If one’s father or brother is an Unbeliever, he/she should not make them friends (9:23). One should be good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, needy persons, neighbours who are near or strangers, companions by one’s side, and way-fares(4:36).

Servants, Needy and Poor Persons

On human consideration servants also deserve kind treatment. In fact such a person alone give good treatment to others whose heart is full of human qualities and who is a symbol of manliness, and who feels pleasure in helping others. But those who are self deceiving and devoid of human considerations talk high of helping mankind but do not give any thing to others; for such ungrateful persons Allah has prepared a humiliating life. (4:36-37)

Needy and poor persons also deserve kind treatment similar to that given to one’s own near and dear so that the equilibrium in the society is maintained (2:83). Needy persons have their share in the surplus of our earnings over and above our real needs (51:19-22). A needy person should not be looked down upon as if he is a man of low level. One should not repulse or scorn him unheard (93:10). There are persons who are really needy, they ask for help, and their genuine need and request can be recognised by seeing their gloomy faces (2:273). When such persons come and ask for help, instead of giving them charity with taunt it is better to refuse it in a kind manner if you are not in a position to help (2:263). Feelings of the recipients of charity or donation should not be injured by a rough or unpleasant attitude; such is the behaviour of those who do not believe in Allah and the Hereafter. This kind of help is similar to such rains which fall on a sheet-rock containing little soil and seed which get washed away and bring about no fruitful results (2:264).

While extending help to poor and needy persons, travellers and way-fares too have their rightful share in one’s income. Such persons may also be in need of assistance and therefore they should be helped honourably. When any help is extended to them. One should not feel him proud and boastful, and Allah does not like such persons (4:36,17:26).

There are fellows who are professional beggars though they are physically fit enough to earn their living by doing normal work or undertaking jobs. still they are habituated to begging and collection alum. Such persons are permanent (economic) parasites on others in the society, and helping them is similar to that of not helping the real poor, needy, and crippled persons who deserve all help.

FAMILY LIFE IN ISLAM By Dr. Mir Mustafa Hussain

2008-05-06T02:12:00.000-07:00

Third Letter to Tahira by G.R Perwez

2008-05-06T02:06:00.000-07:00

No Tahira, there is a whole lot of difference between a child and the young one of an animal. The young one of an animal is born with instincts which training cannot change. If before it opens its eyes, a pup is made to suckle a goat, it would not be affected in any way. It will remain a dog, and grow up to be a dog. It will have all the dog-traits and none of the goat. Its instincts would neither be affected by the goat's milk, nor by having been brought up with goats kids. Why go far, didn't you observe the results when your hen was hatching her own and the duck's eggs together? The eggs produced chicks and ducklings, and all were cared for under the wings of the hen. But when they faced water for the first time, the ducklings went straight in the water and the hen and chicks remained out. The hen's worry was worth watching, but the ducklings were quite unaware of the fact that they had done something to be worried about. On the contrary the chicks did not go near the water. Being brought up with, and in the company of chicks had no effect on them, and neither would it be so in the future. Ducklings remain ducklings

In contrast, if an uncouth or rural woman's child is sent to a civilized and learned family, and the child from a refined family is given to a village woman, you will see that peasant's child would become a refined and civilized person, while the other child would be uncouth and become a peasant. There is no doubt there are hereditary influences, but education, training and environmental influences can overcome these. Also, what we call 'hereditary influences' are actually influences of society which are being transferred accumulatively, generation to generation. The effects of education and training can be seen to the extent that if a child of Shia parents is raised by Sunnis, then he will have Sunni ideas. Similarly, if a Hindu child is given to a Muslim family, he will become a Muslim. No dogmatic discussion is needed for such a phenomenon; these are everyday observations which reveal that a human child is not born ready-made (like an animal offspring), but that it becomes what his or her primary environment or education trains it for. If a nation wants its next generation to have human qualities, then it is necessary for that nation to create such an environment. A child's environment is the home where he is born and grown up; as such, his first training ground is his mother's lap.

Mother's Lap

In this letter I really do not want to go into details, through which I would make you understand, with examples from the conclusions of psycho analysts that for whatever a child will become in future, its main foundation is laid during the first two or three years of its life. Dr. Jung asserts that the foundations of a child's character are laid at a time when he has yet to learn to speak. At this age he is visually observing and absorbing the environment in which he is raised. Later the edifice of his life is erected on these foundations. Therefore, the making or marring of a child's life depends mostly upon his environment. And his environment depends upon his parent's mutual relationship. This is to say that the environment is created by how husbands and wives react to each other.

Mutual Relationship of Husband and Wife

This is the reason why the Quran considers a congruent and happy relationship of a husband and wife as a pivot of family life. This not only makes the couple's life happy, but their children's, too. Growing up in a harmonious environment, makes them a blend to be prided by their nation, and the whole of humanity benefits from them. The Quran says that a husband and wife relationship can be happy only if their attitude and temperament are compatible, and if they have the same goals in life and their thinking is alike. Such men and women are congruent in head and heart, and create a balanced and happy environment in which their children grow up into sublime exponents of humanity. In Quran's diction, this is called Nikah. Nikah literally means to absorb each other in the same way as rain drops are absorbed by earth. It is a kind of amalgamation, like that of sleep in the eyes. A couple executing this kind of contract is called Zauj. As mentioned in my previous letter, Zauj means 'complement', that is, the one has to be there to complete the other one. Husband complements a wife and a wife complements a husband. If one is ignored, then the other is rendered useless. If one wheel of a carriage is damaged the other one automatically becomes useless. Both the wheels are Zauj to each other.

Nikah

It is a fact that the family contract (Nikah) in which both the parties are congruent head and heart-wise, ensures a heavenly environment. Incongruent parties coming together create hell. The Quran has explained this in quite an effective manner, and I have written about this point in my previous letter.

It is obvious that this kind of relationship, which is based on alike mental level with shared ideas and concepts, can only be possible between two consenting parties by mutual agreement. That is why the Quran calls it a 'contract' (4:21). The first condition for the contract is that both the parties should be mature.

Age of Nikah

A minor's contract cannot be taken seriously. Therefore, Nikah of a minor is not a Nikah according to the Quran. The Quran associates Nikah with adulthood (4:6). The second condition of the contract is that it should be executed without coercion and should have the consent of both the parties. So, on the one hand men are addressed as follows in (4:3) to perform Nikah with those women whom you like, and on the other hand, about women, it says that it would be absolutely unlawful for you to own women forcibly (4:19).

Hence, Nikah is a contract in which an adult man and an adult woman willingly agree to become companions (husband and wife) to honour all the duties and privileges enjoined by the Quran. Living a life full of mutual love and shared ideas and interests. This way they will create a pleasant environment that would be conducive to our future generations in being humane and have balanced personalities. If even one point is missing or deficient, then the relationship does not become Nikah and deteriorates into a simple biological sex connection. The Quran itself explains the basic difference between the two kinds of relationships when in (4:24), explains the 'married' relationship. Quran's style is quite unique, when it explains something, by discussing the opposite. It says that married relationship means "Muhsineen" and not "Musafiheen" Here "Muhsineen" has been explained by "Musafiheen". The root word of "Musafiheen" is "Safha", which means pouring out. Further, "Hasana" means to keep oneself within certain limits. If the relationship of Nikah does not limit itself to the basic restrictions on which Nikah was established, then it is no longer Nikah. It degenerates to "Safha". Arabs used to draw lots by shooting arrows, one of which was blank. This blank arrow was called 'Asfeeh'. In other words, even if it hit the target, it was not counted as a result. This is not the place to mention the other meanings of this verse. (I hope you have understood the simile that the Quran has used).

Polygamy

Let us move forward. When Nikah aims at a harmonious life, and sets to create an environment for the children which would be conducive to the blossoming of their personalities, then in the presence of one wife another wife cannot be justified. Such company could convert the home into a hell, instead of developing companionship and respect. A second wife can be justified only when the first wife has died, and one is quite certain that the second wife would have an equally harmonious atmosphere. Otherwise circumstance may evolve in which the marriage contract has to be dissolved. This is called 'divorce', which is an issue that will be discussed in detail later.

All of these, dear daughter Tahira, were the results of the above

In respect of divorce, the Quran says: If you want to bring another wife in place of your first wife... (4:20) This makes it very clear that a second wife can come in place of a first wife, and not in her presence.

As I write this I can imagine how perturbed you would be after reading this. Surely you would question how I could say such an eccentric thing, when Muslims have been assured of four wives? Let aside the past, even today there are many homes where a husband has more than one wife. These homes include some of the most respected families. Then how can one assert that the presence of one wife leaves no room for another one?

You are right Tahira, and so am I. You say that four wives at a time is the usual practice of Muslims, and I am saying that the Quran allows one wife at a time. Now you will ask how the practice of keeping two, three or four wives at a time became prevalent among Muslims? Well, listen.

The Quran mentions marrying more than one wife in one place only and that is the third verse of Surah An-Nisa. The second verse of this Surah is:

The property of orphaned children, if they have any, should be protected like you protect your own children's property. When they attain adulthood, the trusted property should be returned to them. Do not exchange their goods with yours of lesser quality. Misappropriating their possessions would be a great injustice (4:2).

This is Surah An-Nisa's second verse. The literal translation of the third verse is:

If you are afraid that you will be unable to do justice to the orphans, then you could take in Nikah two, three or four women whom you like (4:3).

Basic Condition

One thing is quite clear from the above mentioned verse. Taking more than one wife is conditional; and the condition is if you are afraid that you may not be able to do justice to the orphans. The question is as to what does this condition stand for? Surah An-Nisa itself infers an explanation.

Early verses of this Surah contain laws about women, orphans, property and inheritance. Thereafter, laws pertaining to war are mentioned. Just imagine, a small cluster of Muslims had to fight many wars, within seven to eight years of migration. An obvious consequence was the diminishing number of men and the increasing number of orphans and widows.

Today, we normally use the word 'orphan' for those children whose parents are no more alive or who do not have their fathers. But in Arabic this word is used for such children, as well as for those women who have been left alone because they have been unable to get a husband. Therefore when this verse says, "If you are afraid you would not be able to do justice to the orphans," it is referring to fatherless children and such women who are without husbands, whether they are widows or are unmarried. To elaborate on the issue it may be noted that in early Madina life, owing to constant wars, and their consequence, such children and women far out-numbered men. Besides, the Muslim women from Makkah after leaving their non-Muslim husbands, sought refuge in Madina. Such circumstances had made the presence of these orphans and widows a serious social problem, which had to be solved satisfactorily. If it was a problem of everyday provisions then many solutions could have been considered. But the real problem was how to take care of the young widows and orphaned girls. Some extraordinary solutions had to be sought, specially because they could not be married to non-Muslims. Muslim women could neither marry the infidels of Quraish, nor Jews or Christians. These were those extraordinary conditions under which the above mentioned guidance was given. That is, if the problem of orphans could not be solved in a manner which adequately fulfilled their rights and needs, then one solution was that one man should shoulder the responsibility of more than one woman. This was a way of saving society from all the drawbacks which would entail from having the young women and orphan children unattended. But at the same time men have been advised to make sure that this does not interfere with the balance and tranquillity of their home. If it was to be so, then it would not be permitted.

As such, the rest of the verse was revealed together with the above: If you are afraid that you will not be able to keep the balance, then maintain one wife only (4:3).

This is, my dear girl, the one verse in the whole of the Quran about polygamy and the above is its background. After this, could the way Muslims indulge in polygamy possibly be justified according to the Quran? Do you see any marriage being solemnized where the condition laid down by the Quran, if you are afraid that you will not be able to do justice to the orphans, then you can have more than one wife (4:3), is being observed or adhered to? Trying to justify polygamy under cover of this verse, in ordinary circumstances and without those conditions, is nothing but the open flouting of its injunctions. If you ask somebody, he would say, that as he was childless, he married again; as if God had enjoined upon him to increase the tribe of Adam and then come to Him, failing which he would be sent to hell. On the contrary, God Himself has said that children are born according to the law of nature. Some get boys and some girls; some have boys and girls both, and some remain childless (42:50).

Some say that because their wives were perpetually ill, they married again. According to them companionship means: As long as your partner is healthy you keep her, and the minute she is sick you throw her into hell.

But such excuses, no matter how weak, are forwarded by those who think that there should be some justification for human problems. Religious minded people do not think that any excuse is necessary. Their reply is quite clear. They say that when religion allows four wives, then what other excuse is needed beyond this for justification? Therefore this group behaves like this. Firstly, they marry four wives; after this they divorce one of them and then a new bride is brought to fill the quorum. In this way, they believe, they are accumulating the rewards of the hereafter, because they are obeying the laws about Nikah and divorce, and are maintaining the limit of four wives, too. For such people, the Quran has said:

These people want to deceive the law of God and those who adhere to it, but they do not understand that they are deceiving themselves. (2:9).

Anyway, do understand this fact again that in the Quran there is only one verse where permission has been granted for marrying more than one wife. As I have mentioned above, this came as an emergency measure to tackle a collective problem. To decide whether such circumstances are present according to the Quran, which are the pre-requisites of polygamy, is the responsibility of the society and not of individuals themselves. In conclusion, as far as the individuals are concerned, they are not permitted to marry more than one wife.

Let us go a step forward. You have seen that according to the Quran, the aim of Nikah is to have a life of amiable comradeship. As long as there is camaraderie, this aim is being fulfilled. The question which is then raised is, if circumstances develop where due to some reason companionship is no longer possible, then what happens?

Divorce

Then what? Separation. What else? Keeping two conflicting elements together can only result in disruption. That is why the Quran calls the Nikah a contract. This separation in Quran's diction is called a divorce; that is, being released from the restrictions of the contract. But just as the Quran has repeatedly asked that prior to making the contract, you contemplate and coolly think the overall pros and cons, in the same manner it asks you to dissolve the contract extremely thoughtfully and in a considerate manner. In the Quran family life is so important, that all the details of dissolving this contract have been fixed. It says that if a husband and a wife have a dispute, then they should sort out their differences by mutual discussions and negotiations. However, if the differences become worse and turn sour, then Quran does not leave it to the two of them; rather makes it a collective and social concern and asks the society to solve it:

If you fear the husband and wife would differ, you should constitute an arbitration board that should consist of a member from the husband's family and a member from the wife's family. If these arbitrators try, in the light of God's law to set things right, then some workable solution could be found (4:35).

This is so because the aim is to eliminate the differences and to regularize the relationship, and not to try to sever the relationship. But if this arbitration board fails in its efforts and they conclude that the companionship cannot endure any longer, then they should present their report to the court. If they themselves have the jurisdiction or powers to give the final decision, then they would decide themselves. This contract would thus be dissolved.

Here you will ask, if this is how a divorce procedure takes place according to the Quran, then what is that when a wife accidentally adds more salt to the curry and the husband cannot stand it, he just has to utter the word "Divorce" three times, and the poor wife is miserably banished to her parents' house?

Sometimes the husband and wife quarrel, and both agree to separate. However, the husband decides neither to divorce her nor to bring her home, and thus makes her languish by his vacillation. What about this?

What else can it be, but the ridiculing of Religion? The underlying sentiment in it is the same, that men are rulers over the women. They have all the powers. Women are their slaves. Men are their supervisors. As long as the despot wishes, he keeps a woman in the house. When he is angry, he turns her out. Alternatively he lets her dangle, neither keeping her as a wife nor releasing her as a divorcee. To these dictators, a woman does not even have the option to ask as to why she is being treated so, and for which crime? (81:9).

Iddat

What happens after the divorce? They would both be allowed to choose new partners if they wished. But the woman would have to wait for a little while. The waiting period called "Iddat". Ordinarily this is three months, but if the woman is pregnant then she will have to wait till her delivery. During this waiting period, all her expenses would be borne by her ex-husband. A woman cannot marry again during the period of Iddat except that, if her ex-husband regrets having divorced her, then he can marry her again during this period. This is the only prerogative which men have been given; that is, there is no waiting period (Iddat) for a man. If he wants to marry again after divorcing his wife he can, but a woman has to wait to complete the duration of 'Iddat' before she marries again.

Man's Prerogative

The reason is quite clear. Quran's general rule is, whatever rights men have over women, women, too, have similar rights over men (2:228). But during the waiting period (Iddat), the ex-husband can marry and that is the only extra privilege men have (2:228). If during the waiting period, or after it, both of them get married again with mutual consent, then their marital life would start again. After this, if again their relationship becomes strained and they divorce each other, then again during Iddat or after it, they can still marry. (This is because it was the second divorce.) But after this, if they divorce each other for the third time, then they cannot marry again, neither during the waiting period nor after it. The aim of this is to keep the marriage sailing, and is not to be treated lightly. After the third divorce, this woman has to marry someone else and not her previous husband. (If it so happens that the second husband, too, divorces her or if she is widowed, then there is no restriction on marrying her first husband).

As I have written above, the divorce is not an individual decision. A man cannot divorce whenever he likes. It is a problem to be decided upon by the social system, or by the court. For this, just as a man has the right to resort to a law court, the woman has the same right, too; whenever there are differences to be resolved. Just as a woman cannot bind a man forcibly to the contract of Nikah, in the same manner a man, too, cannot coerce a woman to keep the same. The basic condition of Nikah is companionship, which is quite contrary to coercion. If there is no companionship, then how can you keep a Nikah?

My dear girl, these are the laws concerning marriage and divorce according to the Quran. Do go over them and reflect. Are the woman's rights any less than the man's? Is there any scope for men to rule over and supervise women? By now you must be wondering from where, despite such clear injunctions, have we acquired what actually is happening? The answer is easy: wherever the rest of the "religion" has come from, this, too, has come from the same source. Which aspect of 'religion' tallies with Quran, for us? Why should it be surprising in respect of family life? In the earlier era of the world, society in general was matriarchal. The woman's position in a family was like a ruler. Old Arab society, too, was organized on these lines, but on their right and left the two big civilizations, namely Byzantine and Persian, were patriarchal and were governed by men.

Peculiarity of Islam

Just before the advent of Islam, Arabs, too, had started accepting the influence of these civilizations and their society had started bearing the signs of man's supremacy. The advent of Islam changed altogether the complexion of the society. Here neither the man nor the woman was to govern. Here they had been portrayed equal, to walk side by side in their life. These were the Quranic laws. But later when monarchy seeped into Muslims, Byzantinian and specially the Persian civilization, was absorbed into their collective and individual lives. Man's position in society changed into that of a Lord and Master. This was the period when Quranic Islam was being changed into a new Islam which is prevalent amongst us till today. The laws governing our family life today belong to this new Islam, and have nothing to do with the Quran. Since this Islam is a product of kingship and priesthood, coercion is its hallmark. Mind and body are both under stress. Such an oppressive society is always seeking the proverbial lamb, like a wolf. Expecting a woman to have a dignified human status in such a society is idle thinking. This oppression has led woman to take revenge, wherever she has been given freedom. As such, companionship has been non-existent in both the old and the modern society. Neither of these were formed on Quranic lines. Society has become a victim of different kinds of excesses and discriminations. For a peaceful co-habitation, there is no other option but to reject the man-made norms and modern transgressions, and build up society from scratch, within Quranic limits. This is the way to get that long lost paradise from which, and for which, the expelled Adam is still longing.

Turning to the tales of woe of our oppressed women, you may have written these tales from your imagination, but I come across true stories from morning till evening. My dear daughter, I feel like a doctor, as whoever comes to me brings a harrowing story. Doctors perhaps learn to bear with mishaps. But you know me; what a sensitive person I happen to be, specially for women and children. The narrator goes away after telling his or somebody else's story, but I cannot sleep the whole night after hearing it. You do not know Tahira, how many innocent girls have become a burden for their parents, because they do not have enough money to fulfil the demands of these so called 'gentlemen' who come to take the girls' hands in marriage. These girls do not utter a word but the facts of their condition play havoc with them and reduce them to ashes.

Repressed Women

How many oppressed girls are tied with a nuptial knot, against their wishes to wolves in lamb's clothing; men about whom everyone knows that they have been sowing their wild oats all their lives. But these poor tongue-tied girls cannot let a word escape their lips. So many innocent girls are so hounded by our so called "civilized scoundrels", that they are driven to commit suicide. When even the last remnant of gold is snatched away from them, they are asked to go to their parents' home to get more money. If they cannot oblige, they are subjected to violence and their bones are broken. There are so many girls who are not allowed to live in their husbands' homes; neither are they divorced. They are threatened and asked to procure a certain sum or else are condemned to live in their parents' homes. Further there are so many sick and weak girls who have borne four or five children by the age of twenty, and they do not have enough in the home to eat. They work all day, look after their children and have to bear their husbands' cruelty because they are their "gods on earth". There are so many homes in which they cope with poverty, but the minute the husband has a few more pennies, he starts thinking of marrying for a second time and the former wife is kicked out of the house along with her children. Going abroad is another phenomenon. Whoever goes abroad, brings back a foreign wife. The first wife is left to rot while the Ma'an is enjoying life. Is there nobody to ask them about their shamelessness on having abandoned the first family? Why "shame"? They tell you that the "righteous law" allows them. So who are you to check?

This hell in our society plays havoc with the physical state of at least sixty percent or seventy percent of the girls, and they simply fizzle out of this world. I am told by the doctors every other day that the female patients who have advanced TB, but who have children in their laps, and are expecting another one. Dear Tahira, what can I say about how I feel when I hear of such instances? If a man has one daughter, he would worry only about her. But I lament over all these daughters and I do not shed these helpless tears for them, but over my own helplessness. Whenever I hear a harrowing tale, I think that the responsible person should be severely taken to task and punished. But after this tale of woe is finished, then the question arises as to what could be done under these circumstances. Except for shedding tears, we cannot do anything. This is that constant agony Tahira, through which your Uncle has to pass.

Now you ask about its remedy! It cannot be remedied on an individual basis. When this kind of cancerous growth has gone so far in a society, then it cannot be treated individually. It can only be remedied by changing the entire society. This is similar to what the Quran has referred to as: "Change this earth and the sky". Not until we change this society to a Quranic society, will there be hope of any betterment. If we can make it possible by some other means, then this Quranic assertion that no man-made law or system can take its place, would not hold. Prior to this time (under the British regime) we could not make this social revolution come true. But after the inception of Pakistan, we should have had no difficulty in implementing it. Now we can formulate our own laws and obviously our society would behave by the provisions of the laws. Besides the law, our education system is also under our control. With appropriate education we can guide our children on the right track. This would then make them change the wrong trends in the society voluntarily. This is all in our own control. But how unfortunate that nation is, which stays sick in spite of the fact that it has cures for all its ills! But we bolt the door from within and then complain that there is no way out.

This is all for now. God be with you. When is Saleem hoping to come back? I am sending a letter to him through the same post as yours.

Peace be with you!

Parwez
August 15, 1953

Dr Javed Ahmed Ghamidi summary

2008-01-05T21:00:00.000-08:00

Javed Ahmad Ghamidi (1951—) is a well-known Pakistani scholar, exegete, and educationist.
Introduction
Javed Ahmed Ghamdi was born on 18th April, 1951. He studied traditional Islamic disciplines and is a graduate in English Literature from Government College University, Lahore. He is the president of Al-Mawrid, Institute of Islamic Sciences, Lahore, and the chief editor of two monthly journals published from Lahore, Renaissance (English) and Ishraq (Urdu).
Interaction with other Islamic scholars
Ghamidi worked closely with Abu al-A‘la Mawdudi (1903–1979) for about nine years before voicing his first differences of opinion, which led to his subsequent expulsion from Mawdudi's political party, Jamaat-e-Islami in 1977. Later, he developed his own view of religion based on unique and sophisticated approach in hermeneutics and ijtihad under the influence of his mentor, Amin Ahsan Islahi (1904–1997), a well-known exegete of the Indian sub-continent who is author of Tadabbur-i-Qur’an, a Tafsir (an exegeses of Qur'an). Ghamidi's critique of Mawdudi's thought is an extension of Wahid al-Din Khan’s criticism of Mawdudi. Khan (1925- ) was amongst the first scholars from within the ranks of Jamaat-e-Islami to present a fully-fledged critique of Mawdudi’s understanding of religion. Khan’s contention is that Mawdudi has completely inverted the Qur’anic worldview. Ghamidi, for his part, agreed with Khan that the basic obligation in Islam is not the establishment of an Islamic world order but servitude to God, and that it is to help and guide humans in their effort to fulfill that obligation for which religion is revealed. Therefore, Islam never imposed the obligation on its individual adherents or on the Islamic state to be constantly in a state of war against the non-Islamic world. In fact, according to Ghamidi, even the formation of an Islamic state is not a basic religious obligation for Muslims.
Ideology
Ghamidi believes that there are certain directives of the Qur’an pertaining to war which were specific only to the Prophet Muhammad and certain specified peoples of his times (paricularly the progeny of Abraham: the Ishmaelites, the Israelites, and the Nazarites). Thus, the Prophet and his designated followers waged a war against Divinely specified peoples of their time (the polytheists and the Israelites and Nazarites of Arabia and some other Jews, Christians, et al) as a form of Divine punishment (and asked the polytheists of Arabia for submission to Islam as a condition for exoneration and the others for jizya and submission to the political authority of the Muslims for exemption from death punishment and for military protection as the dhimmis of the Muslims). Therefore, after the Prophet and his companions, there is no concept in Islam obliging Muslims to wage war for propagation or implementation of Islam. The only valid basis for jihad through arms is to end oppression when all other measures have failed. Another corollary, in his opinion, is that death punishment for apostasy was also specifically for the recipients of the same Divine punishment during the Prophet's times -- for they had persistently denied the truth of the Prophet's mission even after it had been made conclusively evident to them by God through the Prophet.
Ghamidi’s understanding of Islamic law has been presented concisely in his book Mizan, (Lahore: Dar al-Ishraq, 2001). Some of his views have become controversial in Pakistan. Ghamidi's inspiration from his mentor, Amin Ahsan Islahi and non-traditionalist approach to the religion has parted him from traditionalist understanding on a number of issues. Some of the notable points which he mentioned in his writings are summarized below:
-Jihad (armed struggle) can only be done to end oppression; it cannot be done for proselytization.
-Jihad can only be done by a Government with atleast half the power of the enemy.
-The formation of an Islamic state is not a religious obligation per se upon the Muslims. However, he believes that if and when Muslims form a state of their own, Islam does impose certain religious obligations on its rulers as establishment of the institution of salah (obligatory prayer), zakah (mandatory charity), and 'amr bi'l-ma'ruf wa nahi 'ani'l-munkar (preservation and promotion of society's good conventions and customs and eradication of social vices; this, in Ghamidi's opinion, should be done in modern times through courts, police, etc. in accordance with the law of the land which, as the government itself, must be based on the opinion of the majority).
-Modern Non-Muslims are different from kuffar (Non-Muslims of Muhammad's time), who challenged the Prophet despite the fact that they knew the truth with their best knowledge.
-The Islamic punishments of hudud (Islamic law) are maximum pronouncements that can be mitigated by a court of law on the basis of extenuating circumstances.
-The Shariah (divine law) does not stipulate any fixed amount for the diyya (monetary compensation for unintentional murder); the determination of the amount—for the unintentional murder of a man or a woman—has been left to the conventions of society.
-Just like Quran, Sunnah (the way of the prophet) is only what Ummah (Muslim nation) received through ijma (consensus of sahaba) and tawatur (perpetual adherence of the Ummah).
The Shariah (divine law) is from God while Fiqh (rulings of Islamic jurists) is purely a human work based on social norms, human instincts, traditions, and thoughts. Former cannot be challenged.
-Unlike Quran and Sunnah, hadith (individual reports from Prophet Muhammad) can be challenged if it contradicts with first two sources.
-Ceteris paribus (all other things being equal), a woman's testimony is equal to that of a man's.
-The Shariah (divine law) does not require a woman to cover her face; it also does not unequivocally require her to cover her head.
-Quran and Islam did not forbid women from leading society or prayers.
-Isra and Mi'raj (ascention of Prophet Muhammad), was a dream.
-Jesus was given death in this world and then raised bodily by Allah (The God).

Websites
Ghamidi's students are running many Islamic websites. Some of these websites have question-answer service and are quite popular over the internet.

www.al-mawrid.org - in Urdu, Arabic, and English
www.ghamidi.org - in Urdu
www.renaissance.com.pk - in English
www.understanding-islam.org - in English
www.studying-islam.org - in English
www.islamicissues.info - in English
Bibliography
Primary sources
Ghamidi, Javed Ahmad. Burhan. Lahore: Dar al-Ishraq, 2000.
Al-Bayan. Lahore: Danish Sara, 2000.
Mizan (Urdu). Lahore: Dar al-Ishraq, 2001.

Secondary Sources
Professor Paul H. Robinson, Final report of the Maldivian penal law & sentencing codification project, Volume 2, Official Commentary, Criminal Law Research Group, University of Pennsylvania Law School, Commissioned by the Office of the Attorney General of the Maldives and the United Nations Development Programme, January 2006. [1]
Iftikhar, Asif. Jihad and the Establishment of Islamic Global Order: A Comparative Study of the Interpretative Approaches and Worldviews of Abu al-A‘la Mawdudi and Javed Ahmad Ghamidi. (Master's Thesis). Montreal: McGill University Libraries, 2005.

about my blog

2008-01-05T20:54:00.000-08:00

My blog has just a little to watch. but it may be very good for u.I post different things in one place. Ihope u may like it. Don't fotget to write a comment after reading any of my topic. Thanks you very much reading my blog.

what is information technology?

2008-01-05T20:49:00.000-08:00

Information technology (IT), as defined by the Information Technology Association of America (ITAA), is "the study, design, development, implementation, support or management of computer-based information systems, particularly software applications and computer hardware." IT deals with the use of electronic computers and computer software to convert, store, protect, process, transmit and retrieve information, securely.

Recently it has become popular[citation needed] to broaden the term to explicitly include the field of electronic communication so that people tend to use the abbreviation ICT (Information and Communications Technology), it is common for this to be referred to as IT & T in the Australasia region, standing for Information Technology and Telecommunications.

Today, the term information technology has ballooned to encompass many aspects of computing and technology, and the term is more recognizable than ever before. The information technology umbrella can be quite large, covering many fields. IT professionals perform a variety of duties that range from installing applications to designing complex computer networks and information databases. A few of the duties that IT professionals perform may include data management, networking, engineering computer hardware, database and software design, as well as the management and administration of entire systems.

Professional organizations
The Canadian Information Processing Society (CIPS) is the largest professional body for computing in Canada.
NASSCOM is an association of Indian IT companies.
AITech-Assinform, Information Technology Association is an association of Italian IT companies.
The Computer Society of India (CSI) is the national body representing computer professionals.
The British Computer Society (BCS) is a UK body that represents those working in IT. It is the largest United Kingdom based professional body for computing, with a world-wide membership of over 58,000 members in over 100 countries.
ACM
The Information Technology Association of America (ITAA) is an industry trade group for several U.S. information technology companies.
The Australian Computer Society (ACS) is the recognised association for Information & Communications Technology (ICT) professionals in Australia.
The Australian Information Industry Association is the national organisation representing the ICT companies in Australia.
The Philippine Software Industry Association is an association of Philippine IT companies.
The Information Technologies Institute, Marmara Research Center, The Scientific and Technological Research Council of Turkey

References
Adelman, C. (2000). A Parallel Postsecondary Universe: The Certification System in Information Technology. Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Education.
Allen, T., and M.S. Morton, eds. 1994. Information Technology and the Corporation of the 1990s. New York: Oxford University Press.
Shelly, Gary, Cashman, Thomas, Vermaat, Misty, and Walker, Tim. (1999). Discovering Computers 2000: Concepts for a Connected World. Cambridge, Massachusetts: Course Technology.
Webster, Frank, and Robins, Kevin. (1986). Information Technology—A Luddite Analysis. Norwood, NJ: Ablex.

The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes

2007-12-06T18:55:00.000-08:00

Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With Women-And How To Make Sure YOU Avoid Every One Of These Deadly Common Mistakes...
By David DeAngelo, Author of "Double Your Dating"

MISTAKE #1: Being
Too Much Of A “Nice Guy”

Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted “nice” guys?

Of course you have.

Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date “jerks”... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.

What's going on here?

It's actually very simple...

Women don't base their choices of men on how “nice” a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.

And guess what?

Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.

And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.

I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT.

Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.

MISTAKE #2: Trying To
“Convince Her To Like You”

What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like... but she's just notinterested?

Right! They try to “convince” the woman to feel differently.

Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!

Never, ever, EVER.

You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.

Think about it.

If a woman doesn't “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being “reasonable” with her?

But we all do it.

When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.

Bad idea. One that will never work.

MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her
For Approval Or Permission

In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's “approval” or “permission”.

Another HORRIBLE idea.

Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER.

Don't get me wrong here.

You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.

But if you think that treating a woman well means “always getting her approval and permission for things”, think again.

You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.

Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...

MISTAKE #4: Trying To “Buy”
Her Affection With Food And Gifts

How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did?

If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT.

Well guess what?

It's only NATURAL when this happens...

That's right, I said NATURAL.

When you do these things, you send a clear message:

“I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection”.

Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.

MISTAKE #5: Sharing
“How You Feel” Too Early In
The Relationship With Her

Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they “feel” too early on.

Attractive women are rare.

And they get a LOT of attention from men.

Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME.

An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.

And guess what?

Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.

That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.

They know what to expect.

And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying “You know, I really, REALLY like you” after one or two dates.

This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast... and can't control themselves.

Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.

There's a much better way...

MISTAKE #6: Not “Getting” How Attraction Works For Women

Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.

You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.

When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.

But does the same apply for women?

Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?

Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.

Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?

Think about it. Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.

If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.

But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.

And ANY guy can learn how...

MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It
Takes Money And Looks

One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.

And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.

But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.

There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet...

And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.

YOU DO NOT have to “settle” for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.

Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.

MISTAKE #8: Giving Away
All Of Your Power To Women

Earlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.

Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.

Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.

Another bad idea...

Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over... Women aren't attracted to Wussies!

MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing
EXACTLY What To Do In Each
Type Of Situation With Women

Now I'm going to blow your mind...

A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking.

Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES.

I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.

And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help!

And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating...

Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical... everything.

If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.

And you KNOW it.

It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman... from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP

This is the biggest mistake of all.

This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.

I know, guys don't like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.

Hey, I've been there myself.

Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women...

About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn't know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to.

It frustrated the hell out of me.

One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn't get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night... right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating.

Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out. I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I've dated models, I've dated actresses, and I've dated nice, normal, regular girls as well.

It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling... like I don't know how to meet women... and I might wind up alone.

I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women. I've written a book on the topic, and I've done seminars on both coasts of the United States... and taught tens of thousands of men all around the world.

About love?

2007-11-22T23:49:00.000-08:00

Love has many different meanings in English, from something that gives a little pleasure ("I loved that meal") to something one would die for (patriotism, pair bonding). It can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. In ordinary use, it usually refers to interpersonal love. Probably due to its psychological relevance, love is one of the most common themes in art and music.

Just as there are many types of lovers, there are many kinds of love. Love is inherent in all human cultures. It is precisely these cultural differences that make any universal definition of love difficult to establish. See the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis.

Expressions of love may include the love for a "soul" or mind, the love of laws and organizations, love for a body, love for nature, love of food, love of money, love for learning, love of power, love of fame, love for the respect of others, etcetera. Different people place varying degrees of importance on the kinds of love they receive. Love is essentially an abstract concept, much easier to experience than to explain.

Interpersonal love
Interpersonal love refers to love between human beings. It is a more potent sentiment than a simple liking for another. Unrequited love refers to those feelings of love which are not reciprocated. Interpersonal love is most closely associated with interpersonal relationships. Such love might exist between family members, friends, and couples. There are also a number of psychological disorders related to love, such as erotomania.
Sexuality can be an important element in determining the shape of a relationship. While sexual attraction often establishes a new bond, sexual intention is considered undesirable or inappropriate in certain love bonds. In many religions and systems of ethics it is considered wrong to act on sexual desire for immediate family, for children, or outside of a committed relationship. However, there are many ways to express passionate love without sex. Affection, emotional intimacy and shared interests and experiences are common in friendships and kinships of all human beings.

Impersonal love
A person can be said to love a country, principle, or goal if they value it greatly and are deeply committed to it. Similarly, compassionate outreach and volunteer workers 'love' of their cause may be borne not of interpersonal love, but impersonal love coupled with altruism and strong political convictions. People can also 'love' material objects, animals, or activities if they invest themselves in bonding their identity with that item. In these cases, if sexual passion is actually felt, it is typically considered abnormal or unhealthy, and called paraphilia.

Scientific models
Biological models of love tend to see it as a mammalian drive, just like hunger or thirst. Psychology sees love as more of a social and cultural phenomenon. There are probably elements of truth in both views — certainly love is influenced by hormones (such as oxytocin) and pheromones, and how people think and behave in love is influenced by their conceptions of love.

Cultural views

Chinese
In contemporary Template:Ll language and culture, several terms or root words are used for the concept of "love":

Ai (愛) is used as a verb (e.g. Wo ai ni, "I love you") or as a noun, especially in aiqing (愛情), "love" or "romance." In mainland China since 1949, airen (愛人, originally "lover," or more literally, "love person") is the dominant word for "spouse" (with separate terms for "wife" and "husband" originally being de-emphasized); the word once had a negative connotation, which it retains among many on Taiwan.
Lian (戀) is not generally used alone, but instead as part of such terms as "being in love" (談戀愛, tan lian'ai—also containing ai), "lover" (戀人, lianren) or "homosexuality" (同性戀, tongxinglian).
Qing (情), commonly meaning "feeling" or "emotion," often indicates "love" in several terms. It is contained in the word aiqing (愛情); qingren (情人) is a term for "lover".
In Confucianism, lian is a virtuous benevolent love. Lian should be pursued by all human beings, and reflects a moral life. The Chinese philosopher Mozi developed the concept of ai (愛) in reaction to Confucian lian. Ai, in Mohism, is universal love towards all beings, not just towards friends or family, without regard to reciprocation. Extravagance and offensive war are inimical to ai. Although Mozi's thought was influential, the Confucian lian is how most Chinese conceive of love.

Gănqíng (感情), the feeling of a relationship. A person will express love by building good gănqíng, accomplished through helping or working for another. Emotional attachment toward another person or anything.

Yuanfen (緣份) is a connection of bound destinies. A meaningful relationship is often conceived of as dependent strong yuanfen. It is very similar to serendipity. A similar conceptualization in English is, "They were made for each other," "fate," or "destiny".

Zaolian (Simplified: 早恋, Traditional: 早戀, pinyin: zǎoliàn), literally, "early love," is a contemporary term in frequent use for romantic feelings or attachments among children or adolescents. Zaolian describes both relationships among a teenaged boyfriend and girlfriend, as well as the "crushes" of early adolescence or childhood. The concept essentially indicates a prevalent belief in contemporary Chinese culture that due to the demands of their studies (especially true in the highly competitive educational system of China), youth should not form romantic attachments lest their jeopardize their chances for success in the future. Reports have appeared in Chinese newspapers and other media detailing the prevalence of the phenomenon and its perceived dangers to students and the fears of parents.

Japanese
In Japanese Buddhism, ai (愛) is passionate caring love, and a fundamental desire. It can develop towards either selfishness or selflessness and enlightenment.

Amae (甘え), a Japanese word meaning "indulgent dependence", is part of the child-rearing culture of Japan. Japanese mothers are expected to hug and indulge their children, and children are expected to reward their mothers by clinging and serving. Some sociologists have suggested that Japanese social interactions in later life are modeled on the mother-child amae.

Ancient Greek
Greek distinguishes several different senses in which the word love is used. For example, ancient Greek has the words philia, eros, agape, storge and xenia. However, with Greek as with many other languages, it has been historically difficult to separate the meanings of these words totally. At the same time the ancient Greek text of the Bible has examples of the verb agapo being used with the same meaning as phileo.

Agape (ἀγάπη agápē) means love in modern day Greek. The term s'agapo means I love you in Greek. The word agapo is the verb I love. It generally refers to a "pure", ideal type of love rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros. However, there are some examples of agape used to mean the same as eros. It has also been translated as "love of the soul".

Eros (ἔρως érōs) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Greek word erota means in love. Plato refined his own definition. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth by eros. Some translations list it as "love of the body".

Philia (φιλία philía), a dispassionate virtuous love, was a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. Philia is motivated by practical reasons; one or both of the parties benefit from the relationship. Can also mean "love of the mind".

Storge (στοργή storgē) is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.

Xenia (ξενία xenía), hospitality, was an extremely important practice in ancient Greece. It was an almost ritualized friendship formed between a host and their guest, who could previously be strangers. The host fed and provided quarters for the guest, who was only expected to repay with gratitude. The importance of this can be seen throughout Greek mythology, in particular Homer's Iliad and Odyssey.

Ancient Roman (Latin)
The Latin language has several different verbs corresponding to the English word 'love'.

Amare is the basic word for to love, as it still is in Italian today. The Romans used it both in an affectionate sense, as well as in a Romantic or sexual sense. From this verb come amans, a lover, amator, 'professional lover', often with the accessory notion of lechery, and amica, 'girlfriend' in the English sense, often as well being applied euphemistically to a prostitute. The corresponding noun is amor, which is also used in the plural form to indicate 'love affairs' or 'sexual adventures'. This same root also produces amicus, 'friend', and amicitia, 'friendship' (often based on mutual advantage, and corresponding sometimes more closely to 'indebtedness' or 'influence'). Cicero wrote a treatise called On Friendship (de Amicitia) which discusses the notion at some length. Ovid wrote a guide to dating called Ars Amatoria (The Art of Lovers), which addresses in depth everything from extramarital affairs to overprotective parents.

Complicating the picture somewhat, Latin sometimes uses amare where English would simply say to like; this notion, however, is much more generally expressed in Latin by placere or delectare, which are used more colloquially, and the latter of which is used frequently in the love poetry of Catullus.

Diligere often has the notion 'to be affectionate for', 'to esteem', and rarely if ever is used of romantic love. This word would be appropriate to describe the friendship of two men. The corresponding noun diligentia, however, has the meaning 'diligence' 'carefulness' and has little semantic overlap with the verb.

Observare is a synonym for 'diligere'; despite the cognate with English, this verb and its corresponding noun 'observantia' often denote 'esteem' or 'affection'.

Caritas is used in Latin translations of the Christian Bible to mean 'charitable love'. This meaning, however, is not found in Classical pagan Roman literature. As it arises from a conflation with a Greek word, there is no corresponding verb.

Religious views

Christian
The Christian understanding is that love comes from God. The love of man and woman, eros in Greek, and the unselfish love of others, agape, are often contrasted as 'ascending' and 'descending' love, respectively, but are ultimately the same thing. [1]

There are several Greek words for Love that are regularly referred to in Christian circles.

Agape - In the New Testament, agapē is charitable, selfless, altruistic, and unconditional. It is parental love seen as creating goodness in the world, it is the way God is seen to love humanity, and it is seen as the kind of love that Christians aspire to have for one another.
Phileo - Also used in the New Testament, Phileo is a human response to something that is found to be delightful. Also known as "brotherly love".
Two other words for love in the Greek language -- Eros (sexual love) and storge (needy child-to-parent love) were never used in the New Testament.
Christians believe that to love God with all your heart, mind, and strength and Love your neighbor as yourself are the two most important things in life (the greatest commandment of the Jewish Torah, according to Jesus - c.f. Gospel of Mark chapter 12, verses 28-34). Saint Augustine summarized this when he wrote "Love God, and do as thou wilt".

Saint Paul glorified love as the most important virtue of all. Describing love in the famous poem in 1 Corinthians he wrote, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres." - 1 Cor. 13:4-7 (NIV)

Saint John wrote "Dear friends, let us love one another for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." - 1 John 4:7-8 (NIV)

Saint Augustine says that one must be able to decipher the difference between love and lust. Lust, according to Saint Augustine is an over indulgence, but to love and be loved is what he has sought for his entire life. He even says, “I was in love with love.” (Saint Augustine Confessions) Finally, he does fall in love and is loved back, by God. Saint Augustine says the only one who can love you truly and fully is God, because love with a human only allows for flaws such as, “jealousy, suspicion, fear, anger, and contention.” (Saint Augustine Confessions) According to Saint Augustine to love God is “to attain the peace which is yours.” (Saint Augustine Confessions)”

John the Apostle wrote, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but the save the world through him." (NIV John 3:16-18)

Christian theologians see God as the source of love, which is mirrored in humans and their own loving relationships.

C.S. Lewis , influential Christian theologian wrote a book called The Four Loves.

Buddhist
In Buddhism, Kāma is sensuous, sexual love. It is an obstacle on the path to enlightenment, since it is selfish.

Karuṇā is compassion and mercy, which reduces the suffering of others. It is complementary to wisdom, and is necessary for enlightenment.

Adveṣa and maitrī are benevolent love. This love is unconditional and requires considerable self-acceptance. This is quite different from the ordinary love, which is usually about attachment and sex, which rarely occur without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to detachment and unselfish interest in others' welfare.

The Bodhisattva ideal in Tibetan Buddhism involves the complete renunciation of oneself in order to take on the burden of a suffering world. The strongest motivation one has in order to take the path of the Bodhisattva is the idea of salvation within unselfish love for others.

Hindu
In Hinduism kāma is pleasurable, sexual love, personified by the god Kama. For many Hindu schools it is the third end in life (artha).

In contrast to kāma, prema or prem refers to elevated love. However, the term bhakti is used to mean the higher, divine love.

Karuna is compassion and mercy, which reduces the suffering of others.

Bhakti is a Sanskrit term from Hinduism meaning 'loving devotion to the supreme God'. A person who practices bhakti is called bhakta. Hindu writers, theologians, and philosophers have distinguished nine forms of devotion that they call bhakti, for example in the Bhagavatha-Purana and according to Tulsidas. The booklet Narada bhakti sutra written by an unknown author distinguishes eleven forms of love.

Islamic
In a sense, love does encompass the Islamic view of life as universal brotherhood which applies to all who hold the faith. There are no direct references stating that God is love, but amongst the 99 names of God (Allah), there is the name Al-Wadud or 'the Loving One', which is found in Surah 11:90 as well as Surah 85:14. It refers to God as being "full of loving kindness". In Islam, love is more often than not used as an incentive for sinners to aspire to be as worthy of God's love as they may. One still has God's love, but how the person evaluates his own worth is to his own and God's own counsel. All who hold the faith have God's love, but to what degree or effort he has pleased God depends on the individual itself.

Ishq, or divine love, is the emphasis of Sufism. Sufis believe that love is a projection of the essence of God to the universe. God desires to recognize beauty, and as if one looks at a mirror to see oneself, God "looks" at itself within the dynamics of nature. Since everything is a reflection of God, the school of Sufism practices to see the beauty inside the apparently ugly. Sufism is oftentimes referred to as the religion of Love. God in Sufism is referred to in three main terms which are the Lover, Loved, and Beloved with the last of these terms being often seen in Sufi poetry. A common viewpoint of Sufism is that through Love humankind can get back to its inherent purity and grace. The saints of Sufism are infamous for being "drunk" due to their Love of God hence the constant reference to wine in Sufi poetry and music.

Jewish
In Hebrew Ahava is the most commonly-used term for both interpersonal love and love of God. Other related but dissimilar terms are Chen (grace) and Hesed, which basically combines the meaning of "affection" and "compassion" and is sometimes rendered in English as "loving-kindness".

Judaism employs a wide definition of love, both between people and between man and the Deity. As for the former, the Torah states: "Love your neighbor like yourself" (Leviticus 19:18). As for the latter, one is commanded to love God "with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might" (Deuteronomy 6:5), taken by the Mishnah (a central text of the Jewish oral law) to refer to good deeds, willingness to sacrifice one's life rather than commit certain serious transgressions, willingness to sacrifice all one's possessions and being grateful to the Lord despite adversity (tractate Berachoth 9:5). Rabbinic literature differs how this love can be developed, e.g. by contemplating Divine deeds or witnessing the marvels of nature.

As for love between marital partners, this is deemed an essential ingredient to life: "See life with the wife you love" (Ecclesiastes 9:9). The Biblical book Song of Songs is considered a romantically-phrased metaphor of love between God and his people, but in its plain reading reads like a love song.

The 20th century Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler is frequently quoted as defining love from the Jewish point-of-view as "giving without expecting to take" (from his Michtav me-Eliyahu, vol. 1). Romantic love per se has few echoes in Jewish literature, although the Medieval Rabbi Judah Halevi wrote romantic poetry in Arabic in his younger years (he appears to have regretted this later).

Mythological
Different cultures have deified love, typically in both male and female form. Here is a list of the gods and goddesses of love in different mythologies.

Green Tara; identifies with maternal love and compassion in Buddhism
Áine; goddess of fertility and passionate love in Irish mythology
Amor or Cupid — god of passionate love in Roman mythology
Aonghus or Aengus; god of beauty, youth, and sensual love in Irish mythology
Aphrodite — goddess of beauty and passionate love in Greek mythology
Eros — god of passionate love in Greek mythology
Freya — goddess in Norse mythology
Kama — god of sensual love in Hindu mythology
Rati — goddess of passionate love in Hindu mythology
Radha — goddess of ideal divine love in Hindu mythology
Lakshmi — goddess of love and fortune in Hindu mythology
Venus — goddess of beauty and passionate love in Roman mythology
Xochipilli — god in Aztec mythology